Dear Black Woman,
I give you permission to cry…..
In case you have forgotten, the second stanza of our National Negro Anthem says, “We have come, over a way in which our TEARS have been watered.” Tears have been a part of our existence as a black people and somehow we have negated its power in our heritage and have mistakenly attributed it to weakness. And so for black women, in order to show our strength, we have adopted a heroic trait of being superwoman, believing that we can go and save the day for others who cry tears, but we are to never cry our own.
Oh, black woman.
Crying is therapeutic to the soul. It is what has nourished and replenished the soil in which we stand upon today and it is what desires to nourish the soil of your very soul. Your tears await the day that you sing “I shall overcome”, overcome my fear of being weak or vulnerable. Overcome judgment of self and overcome pride, allowing Mother Nature to do her job in the chambers of your heart. “Release, my daughter,” she fearlessly cries out to you.
I had a conversation with a superwoman the other day. She was a black woman who apologized a million times for wanting to cry, forbidding the tears from falling. Tears that have yearned to be released for decades now, to touch her sun kissed skin and to roll down her beautiful brown face. Instead of encouraging her to stay bottled up in emotions as she expected of me, I instead listened to the vulnerability and longing of her desired freedom which led me to not soothe her with the ordinary responses of “Don’t cry.” Instead, I asked questions like: “Why are you too strong to cry? What is it about crying that symbolizes a weakness? Did not Jesus weep at the hearing of his dear brother Lazarus’s death? Are you stronger than Jesus himself?”
These are a series of questions that I desire to not only ask the emotional zombie (oops, I meant superwoman!) that stood before me. I wish to ask this to every woman of color who refuses to come alive through the life of her tears. I desire to ask these questions to all of the black women that have graced this side of Heaven, called Earth. I want to know, why are you forbidden to cry? And if crying is symbolized as a weakness, when have you ever had a weak gene in your DNA black woman? NEVER, right? So let it out, my Queens.
For every person that has been abused and misused you. For every “no” that you were given when you rightfully deserved a “yes.” For every person that has judged you for the color of your skin. For the burden that you bare daily and the memories of the mistreatment of your ancestors. For every black man that has died in your arms. For every person that has overlooked your worth and education.
For every mouth that you have fed without the help of a man. For every time the government provides more assistance than some of our baby daddies. For every time this same government lock our brown men up like slaves and you are there to witness. When you attend more funerals than baptisms. For every person that told you that you were not beautiful and yet you witness people spend millions to look just like you. For every person that has assaulted you, violated you, and devalued you. Cheated on you. Looked over you. Insulted you. For that person who told you not to cry….. I want you to cry, anyhow.
Weep. Mourn. Question and embrace the trail of tears towards the new you.
We are to recognize our humanity and not undermine the natural genetic makeup of who we are. God created us, women specifically, as emotional creatures and we have given ourselves liberty to show every emotion other than sadness and tears. But why? Really ask yourself why? And sadly enough, many of us do not have an answer to this very simple question other than, “I have to be strong”, but remember that there is strength in your tears.
I’m here on today, to challenge your definition of strength and to empower you to not hold back your tears but to let it out. That is true strength. Your heart is waiting for this release. Your mind has been silently pondering on the day that you would stop holding back the flood gates of your emotions and simply be vulnerable with yourself and LET IT OUT.
Your voice has been desiring to hear the liberty of sobbing and roaring like the lioness you were created to be. Your eyes have been desiring to see the new you, free of emotional distress. Your hands have been desiring to lift up your cheek as the tears are rolling down your face, telling you to “hold your head up.” Your spirit has been awaiting a release and has been trapped in an emotional imprisonment, serving life without parole. But on today, your mind tells you that no matter what you have been taught, you are to “un-teach” yourself and be free.
I know these facts to be true and self-evident because for the first time in my life, two years ago, I learned the power of my tears and that it is ok for me to cry and show vulnerability. I’d walked around my entire life emotionally numb and unaware until I sat in a class while in graduate school, facing my past and staring it in the eyes while it stared back at me, witnessing the tears rolling down my face. I was embarrassed yet enlightened. Angry yet free. Vulnerable yet empowered and I learned in that moment that I would never be afraid to cry again.
Now, I embrace the tears and I share with others how liberating this release is. Not only has it helped me personally but it has helped me interact with the men, friends, and life differently in a more efficient and trustworthy way. I am not as guarded. Not as uptight. Not so robotic and for the first time I have learned the difference of living vs. being alive. Crying has allowed me to be a better daughter, friend, partner, and follower of Christ.
So, live black woman. Cry, black woman. Do not hold back the beauty of your tears, for they are waiting to water the garden of your very essence and existence, black woman.
What are you waiting for? Cry……
Love always,
Your Sister